Thursday, October 2, 2008

The Sarah Palin Debate Party and Drinking Game, Part 2: The Rules

As you are all aware, tonight is the night of the Vice Presidential Debate. Unlike most Vice-Presidential debates in recent memory, this one is actually important. For more on the context surrounding the debate, you can take a look at my prior post, or here. The gist of it, however is this: Palin hasn't been performing well, voter confidence in her is low, and Barack Obama, either because of this or in addition to it, is stomping McCain.

Which brings us to tonight.

Sarah Palin is going head to head with Joe Biden, the Democractic Vice-Presidential Nominee. Palin will be looking to regain (or perhaps gain) credibility with the voters. Biden will concentrate on not appearing sexist, and upon not blowing it. The stage is set for the Palin-Biden Vice Presidential Debate Drinking Game.

The rules are a just a tad unconventional, but pretty standard fare. First, I'm introducing the Palin Preparedness Drink Multiplier. The PPDM serves to multiply the number of drinks taken per rule depending upon Palin's overall level of preparedness for the debate.

PPDM is calculated as follows:

PPDM = 1 if Sarah Palin is not prepared at all. Basically, if Sarah displays the same level of mental acuity that she has displayed heretofore.

PPDM =2 if it is apparent that Sarah has done some preparation, but still cannot be mistaken for an intelligent, prepared politician. Use this multiplier if Sarah's doing better than she has been, but obviously still could not survive Meet the Press, say.

PPDM = 3 if Sarah Palin actually appears to be a competent individual. Use this one if based upon the things she's saying, you actually might for a second think she's qualified to assume any job that has "President" in it. I don't expect this rule to come into play either, but one has to cover one's bases.

With the PPDM out of the way, let's move on to the rules.
  1. One Drink
    1. Anytime the CNN audience reaction line takes a huge jump DURING a candidate's statement (i.e, not when it jumps back to middle after someone talks).
    2. Palin mispronounces the name of a world leader.
    3. Palin shits on any of the following
      1. Barack Obama
      2. Community organizers
      3. San Francisco
      4. Gays
      5. Abortion
      6. The Media
    4. Palin rambles at length about exactly nothing.
      1. One drink for the ramble, plus add a drink for any of the following buzzwords:
        1. The economy
        2. The bailout
        3. Job creation
        4. Health care
        5. Tax cuts/increases
        6. Foreign policy/foreign affairs
        7. Mortgages
    5. Anyone invokes John McCain
      1. Add a drink if they call him a "maverick."
      2. Add a drink if Biden calls McCain his friend.
      3. Add a drink if Palin contradicts McCain (i.e. on offshore drilling in Alaska).
    6. Biden stumbles on a line.
    7. Either candidate sends a shout-out.
      1. Add a drink if it's Ted Kennedy
    8. Anyone mentions George Bush
      1. Add a drink if it's Palin.
    9. Biden panders to old people.
    10. Any reference to a Palin scandal, including, but not limited to:
      1. Troopergate
      2. Bristol Palin
      3. Trig Palin
      4. Her alleged affair.
      5. Her being Ms. Alaska.
    11. Blatant hypocrisy by either candidate. Keep an eye out for Palin calling out Obama for not having foreign policy experience, or maybe complaining about sexism, but this one is flexible.
  2. Two Drinks
    1. Palin attacks Biden and gets smacked down.
    2. Any mention of either Clinton.
      1. Add a drink if it's Palin comparing herself to Hillary.
    3. Anyone mentions "lipstick," in a positive or negative context.
    4. Palin misidentifies a world leader.
    5. Palin doesn't know who a world leader is.
    6. Palin gets "cute" instead of answering a question.
    7. Someone mentions being able to see Russia from Alaska.
      1. Add a drink if Palin tries to defend the claim that this = foreign policy experience.
      2. Add a drink if it comes out that Palin's never actually been to the part of Alaska from whence you can see Russia.
    8. Palin makes fun of Biden (not attacks, mind you, but makes fun of)
      1. Add a drink if Biden has a witty rejoinder.
      2. Add two drinks if Biden has a not-so-witty, more-mean-spirited rejoinder (i.e. "At least I don't have a retard baby" or "Bitch").
    9. Any reference to Katie Couric or Charlie Gibson
  3. Three Drinks
    1. Biden attacks Palin and gets smacked down.
    2. Biden says something sexist or patronizing.
      1. Finish your drink if Palin has a witty rejoinder.
    3. Someone invokes Reagan
      1. Finish your drink if there's any mention of coffins.
    4. Palin mentions something pro-actively to show that she DOES know about it.
      1. Finish your drink if she's still wrong (i.e. tries to come up with a Supreme Court case, mentions "Hamdi vs. Spider-Man").
    5. Palin wants to do something blatantly unconstitutional.
    6. Palin suggests we go to war with someone.
      1. Finish your drink if it's not someone we expected ("We gotta get in there and bomb Finland, you know?")
    7. Biden makes a Biden-ism (i.e. "I believe in Barack America.")
      1. Finish your beer if it turns out to be an awesome catch-phrase, like Barack America.
    8. Palin mentions her gay friend ("black friend," e.g., also acceptable).
    9. Any reference to Michelle Obama.
    10. Any reference to Tina Fey
      1. Finish your drink if Biden brings her up for the purpose of making fun of Palin.
      2. Finish your beer if Palin makes fun of Tina Fey. Then hold me back.
  4. Finish your Beer
    1. Palin makes an "us vs. them" play.
    2. Palin says something you're "just not supposed to say," i.e. racist, sexist, homophobic, et cetera.
    3. Palin loses it completely (cries, yells, has a break down, whatever).
    4. Biden somehow comes out of the debate much worse off.
    5. Palin takes issue with the moderator
    6. Biden loses his temper.


Kelly said...

This is great!!!! Thanks! Should be a fun night!

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